Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
