A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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