I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
