I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
