a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
