He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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