Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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