she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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