Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
