I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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