sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
