I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
