i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
