Grow some girl-balls and come out already
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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