the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
now i know why i became what i already was.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
