I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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