Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
