8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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