I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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