So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
