woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
