Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
