I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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