Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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