She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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