Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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