YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
