did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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