I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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