Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
