Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
