i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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