I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Found your dick twin last night
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
