i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
