Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
