He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
