are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
