i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
