Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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