Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
