she looked like the before picture.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You took a bar mat shot.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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