there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
