She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
