nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
