a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
