I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
