Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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