new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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