Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
