His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
