I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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